Trigger Warning: mentions of self harm & surviving suicidality...
Art is therapy for me. The pieces you see on my site are more than just my propensity for gore. I used to be a cutter & self harmer. I've survived more suicide attempts than I can count. I'm scarred up on every limb of my body from cuts & burns, self punishment. I haven't drawn blood from myself intentionally since July of 2007, but I still have a fascination for blood & razor blades & still have moments when I'm so filled with rage that I feel I will burst. Times when tears just aren't enough & I must *SMASH* something.
I keep around lots of old glass bottles just for this purpose. I'll put a bottle in a canvas bag a swing it violently to the floor until I hear that glorious smash. Sometimes it helps clear my mind when all that swirls is chaos. I have kept lots of this shattered glass for the sake of making a mosaic... some day. Other days I feel like tearing something apart with my bare hands & it feels good to physically RIP fabric apart, not caring what I mess I make. When I feel like a mess within, sometimes the only solution is to tear something up until I clear the energy out.
2020 is proving quite a challenge for me. Compound stress factors have brought back old suicidal feelings that haven't reared their ugly heads in over a decade. These feelings are strong, but I'm *much* stronger. I've decided to create a blog about my mental health journey to help create a community of mental health survivors. We're stronger than the destructive voices in our heads. We're even stronger together!
This piece is called "Mind Blown" & I did shatter her head like that! (oops!) I had mean to only create cracks, but the result seems much more realistic to how my brain feels at times. I'm sure many of you can relate.